The way in which people interact has a lot to do with how well they communicate, or with whether or not they like each other. A kind word here or a dirty look there can make all the difference. The language people use defines them. Based on their vernacular, someone is thoughtful or prejudiced or rash or urbane or witty or crazy or dumber than a turnip. They are what they say.

The Malbraith Group offers this glossary to help guide you through the subtextual serpentine. To paraphrase Aerosmith, "talk this way."

Notes Toward a New Vernacular

As an intrinsic part of the effort to standardize colloquial usage across social strata, racial lines and geographic boundaries, the Malbraith Group introduces Malspeak, a cool Esperanto for the 21st century.

God bless Mer-ka and bolo.

atlanta billy (at lan'tuh bil'ee). n. an individual poised to begin a spiritual or material rise; a person, usually in his or her mid-twenties, who aspires to attain an established position in the strip mall.

aural collage phantasm (ôr'uhl kuh läzh' fan'taz uhm). n. a sound recording reflecting any or all aspects of bolo and its influences, characterized by multiple, tightly edited and heavily layered voices.

b (bee). n. beer, malt liquor or comparable ale.

b-dooley (bee due'lee). n. beer, malt liquor or comparable ale consumed by two or more dooleys en route to fuckup city.

band wally (band wol'ee). n. See wally.

bark it up (bärk it up). v. to initiate an action or activity; to begin.

bee-yoo-tocks (bee yoo' toks). n. Quasi-vulgar. an individual's backside.

bee-yoo-tacos (bee yoo' tä'kohz). n. Quasi-vulgar. the backside of an individual of Latin American descent.

black bolo (blak boh'loh). n. the subversive embodiment of the fundamental building block of all Malbraithian thought and action (see bolo).

board of governors (bôrd uv guv'uhr nuhrz). n. the significant other of a member of the Malbraith Group.

bolo (boh'loh). n. the fundamental building block of all Malbraithian thought and action, and the profound and underlying force behind the philosophy of the Malbraith Group; a strong and influential energy manifested in both conventional (white bolo) and subversive (black bolo) forms. --v. to subject an individual, conventionally or subversively, to the Malbraithian philosophy, or to any of the myriad elements which constitute that philosophy.

bolograph (boh'loh graf). n. an artistic expression of bolo; e.g., a film, a sound recording (see aural collage phantasm), a novel, a collection of stories, or any other expression of bolo through one or more media.

bolography (buh log'ruh fee). n. the body of completed and proposed bolographs, or the study and debate of the artistic expression of bolo.

bolo nagurski (boh'loh ne guhrz'kee). n. a particularly diligent and persistent individual; one who achieves modest but regular gains through the dispensation of black bolo.

bolo world (boh'loh wûrld). n. an environment controlled and influenced almost entirely by bolo; a locale or situation in which the forces of white bolo and black bolo vie, unimpeded, for domination.

bombs away (bomz uh way'). n. the process of willfully eluding a douchebee, weasel, weenus, matoaka guy or similarly impaired individual.

bounty (boun'tee). n. an abundance of b, tomato balls or other material; a horn of plenty.

Branch Malbraithian (bränch mal brayth' ee uhn). adj. characteristic of an offshoot or subform of doolationary philosophy. --n. an individual exhibiting a partial set of Malbraithian traits (see Malbraithian).

bucko (buk'oh). n. an adolescent-era acquaintance of G.D. Malbraith.

bud (bud). n. an adolescent-era acquaintance of Bartrand Williams.

bullshit-free interaction (bool'shit free in'ter ak'shen).  n. Quasi-vulgar. an exchange between two or more individuals that is lacking in deceitful or misleading behavior.

bullshit scene (bool'shit seen). n. Quasi-vulgar. an individual engaged in transparently deceitful or misleading behavior.

business buddy (biz'nis bud'ee). n. an enthusiastic representative of, or participant in, the conventional corporate culture.

butt buddy (but bud'ee). n. Quasi-vulgar. a homosexual; a colon companion.

butt-end (but' end'). n. the definitive ending to a succession of events; the absolute end.

buttholia (but' hoh'lee uh). n. a common psychological affliction characterized by unpredictable temperment, deceitful behavior and intellectual impairment.

buzz-b (buz' bee'). n. a beer, malt liquor or comparable ale consumed quickly for medicinal effect.

captain pike (kap' ten piek'). n. a stunted individual blithely oblivious to his limitations.

caricature (kar'i kuh chuhr). n. a cartoonish misperception of an individual by a large group; a viewpoint reflective of docile or limited brain activity.

chasmal abyss (kaz'muhl uh bis'). n. the vacuum encountered during an unintentional descent into bolo; the vortex.

colon companion (koh'luhn kuhm pan'yuhn). n. Quasi-vulgar. Politically correct. a homosexual; a butt buddy.

confabulation (kon fab' yuh lay'shuhn). n. a meeting between seasoned purveyors of bolo, usually for the purpose of discussing bolography. --confabulate v.

conspiracy of equals (kuhn spir'uh see uv ee'kwuhlz). n. a secret society spawned by eel pie, since disbanded.

d-mail (dee' mayl'). n. the electronic text communications tool of the Malbraith Group.

deltoid rex (del'toid reks). n. a particularly conventional male of subpar intelligence; a well-conditioned male best suited to fashion modeling.

dick (dik). n. Quasi-vulgar. an individual engaged in activities counterproductive to Malbraithian philosophy and action.

dog people (dôg pee'puhl). n. individuals engaged in the employment of animals as surrogates for children, within a makeshift familial structure.

doolation (doo lay'shuhn). n. the state of being a dooley, or the act of skillfully eluding white bolo while masterfully orchestrating black bolo. --doolate v. --doolationary adj.

doolationary war (doo lay'shuhn er ee wôr'). n. the ongoing struggle between a Malbraithian, or dooley, and the disparate forces of bolo.

dooley (doo'lee). n. an individual who skillfully eludes white bolo while masterfully orchestrating black bolo; a Malbraithian.

dooley deflection strategy (doo'lee di flek'shuhn strat'i jee). n. a process whereby, in any given situation, a dooley skillfully averts meaningful discourse on irritating or trivial topics.

douchebee (duesh' bee). n. one lacking in character; a weasel; a weenus.

dweebil (dwee' buhl). n. a weak or unimposing individual; one who is utterly salt monstered by white bolo.

eel pie (eel pie). n. a secret society founded by G.D. Malbraith and Bartrand Williams in the early 1980s, since disbanded.

fuckup city (fuk'up sit'ee). n. Quasi-vulgar. the metaphorical destination of a dooley when engaging in the consumption of alcohol.

funky d (fung'kee dee). n. a defining moment for which an individual or group waits impatiently, usually for an extended period (e.g., "where's Funky D?").

gak (gak). n. the regurgitation of previously consumed food products; vomit. --v. to regurgitate previously consumed food products.

the golden rod (thuh gohl'duhn rod). n. a figurative implement with which an individual is attacked or otherwise victimized; an abstract embodiment or symbol of black bolo (e.g., "produce the golden rod").

heinosity (hay nos'i tee). n. a state characterized by a near-ubiquity of bolo; odiosity; toxicity. --heinous adj.

horn of plenty (hôrn uv plen'tee). n. an abundance of b, tomato balls or other material; a bounty.

house people (hous pee'puhl). n. individuals engaged in the employment of real estate holdings as surrogates for children, within a makeshift familial structure.

joystick failure (joi'stik fayl'yuhr). n. the malfunction of Malbraith Group electronic communications, in either d-mail or v-mail mode.

lackey (lak'ee). n. a subservient individual; one who can be manipulated freely through both white bolo and black bolo. --v. to encourage one's own victimization through both white bolo and black bolo.

literati (lit uh rä'tee). n. pretentious and humorless writers of novels or stories.

Malbie (mal' bee). n. a member of the Malbraith Group; a Malbraithian.

Malbraithia (mal brayth' ee uh). n. the state of being Malbraithian; the psycho-social terrain of philosopher and theologian G.D. Malbraith.

Malbraithian (mal brayth' ee uhn). adj. characteristic of the highest form of doolation, and indicative of the style and worldview of G.D. Malbraith; Williamsian. --n. a member of the Malbraith Group.

Malspeak (mal' speek). n. the dialect of the American language spoken and written by members of the Malbraith Group.

matoaka guy (muh toh'kuh gie). n. a marginally likable individual lacking in character.

Mer-ka (mûr' kuh). n. America; the United States. --mer-kin adj. n.

mindless pleasure thrall (miend'lis plezh'uhr thrôl). n. an individual who willfully and without malice caters to every whim of another individual.

motorvation (moh'tuhr vay'shuhn). n. the initiation of an action with all possible speed. --motorvate v.

mud mounds (mud moundz). n. a locale associated with spiritual communion; a sacred haven often characterized by large piles of dirt.

odiosity (oh'dee os'i tee). n. a state characterized by a near-ubiquity of bolo; heinosity; toxicity. --odious adj.

pallid bolo (pal'id boh'loh). n. a weak or diluted embodiment of the fundamental building block of all Malbraithian thought and action; tepid bolo (see bolo).

pocket weasel (pok'it wee'zuhl). n. a portable electronic device programmed to store and recall short strings of characters or numerals.

poundation (poun day'shuhn). n. the persistent, workmanlike pursuit of a particular end. --poundate v.

product (prod'uhkt). n. a low-budget but edible sour cream and onion mixture frequently served with potato chips; dip.

pseudo-bolo (sue'doh boh'loh). n. an amateurish or ineffective black bolo. --v. to administer an amateurish or ineffective black bolo.

runtime dooley (run'tiem doo'lee). n. a superficial embodiment of a Malbraithian engaged in the mundane, day-to-day struggle against white bolo; a virtual android performing repetitive and familiar tasks in the guise of an actual dooley.

sacks of fried fish (saks uv fried fish). n. a frenzy of sexual frustration, generally experienced in the aftermath of a persistent hangover.

salt monster (sôlt mon'stuhr). n. one who dominates others to the point of intimidation. v. to dominate others to the point of intimidation.

savagery (sav'ij ree). n. the result of a collision of one black bolo with another; the atmosphere of uncertaintly felt in the wake of such a collision.

searing white bolo (seer'ing hwiet boh'loh) n. a particularly heinous example of white bolo; sour milk white bolo. Also searing white-hot bolo (see bolo).

solo bolo (soh'loh boh'loh). n. an act of black bolo undertaken by a lone perpetrator; the practice of dispensing such acts.

solo polo (soh'loh poh'loh). n. the state of isolation experienced by an individual after being jilted or dumped; the physical expression of such an isolation.

sooty black bolo (soot'ee blak boh'loh). n. a particularly heinous example of black bolo; tar baby black bolo (see bolo).

sour milk white bolo (sou'uhr milk hwiet boh'loh). n. a particularly heinous example of white bolo; searing white bolo (see bolo).

space chase (spays' chays). n. the enthusiastically mindless pursuit of material gain.

spanish tony (span'ish toh'nee). n. an individual who exerts influence over a broad spectrum of endeavor; a person, usually in his or her mid-forties or older, who has attained a position of power and authority.

strip mall (strip' môl). n. the figurative locale of modest achievement and endeavor; the graveyard of things mediocre.

strip mall johnny (strip' môl jon'ee). n. an individual who anticipates converting modest achievements into substantial ones; a person, usually in his or her mid-thirties, who inhabits the strip mall but seeks to join the ranks of the elite.

tar baby black bolo (tär bay'bee blak boh'loh). n. a particularly heinous example of black bolo; sooty black bolo (see bolo).

tepid bolo (tep'id boh'loh). n. a weak or diluted embodiment of the fundamental building block of all Malbraithian thought and action; pallid bolo (see bolo).

thrall (thrôl). n. See mindless pleasure thrall.

tomato balls (tuh may'toh bôlz). n. a low-budget but edible dinner entree.

toxicity (tok sis'i tee). n. a state characterized by a near-ubiquity of bolo; heinosity; odiosity. --toxic adj.

type-type-typing (tiep tiep tiep'ing) n. the Malbraithian act of prose composition, as in the creation of a novel or short story.

uninterrupted doolation (un' in tuh rupt'uhd doo lay'shuhn). n. an extended period during which bolo is either eluded or employed with great success, as in during the creation of a bolograph; uninterrupted wampization.

uninterrupted wampization (un' in tuh rupt'uhd wom'pih zay'shuhn). n. an extended period during which bolo is either eluded or employed with great success, as in during the creation of a bolograph; uninterrupted doolation.

universal church of golly dad (yue nuh vûr'suhl chûrch uv gol ee dad). n. the fraternal order of Malbraithian fathers.

v-mail (vee' mayl). n. the electronic voice communications tool of the Malbraith Group.

veneer (vuh neer'). n. a misleading guise employed during the dispensation of black bolo; a calculated but false impression.

vortex (vôr'teks). n. the vacuum encountered during an unintentional descent into bolo; the chasmal abyss.

wackmapipi (wak' muh pee pee). n. a resort for affluent New England families (e.g., the Summer Playhouse production of "Return to Wackmapipi").

wally (wol'ee). n. a member of a college or high school marching band. Also band wally.

wampization (wom'pih zay'shuhn). n. the act of skillfully eluding white bolo while masterfully orchestrating black bolo; doolation.

Wampus (wom'puhs). n. the parent organization of the Malbraith Group.

weasel (wee'zuhl). n. one lacking in character; a weenus; a douchebee. --weasely adj. --weaseldom n. Also wease.

weenus (wee'nis). n. one lacking in character; a weasel; a douchebee. --weenusy adj.

white bolo (hwiet boh'loh). n. the conventional embodiment of the fundamental building block of all Malbraithian thought and action (see bolo).

Williamsia (wil yemz' ee uh). n. the state of being Williamsian; the psycho-social terrain of philosopher and theologian Bartrand Williams.

Williamsian (wil yemz' ee uhn). adj. characteristic of the highest form of doolation, and indicative of the style and worldview of Bartrand Williams; Malbraithian. --n. a member of the Malbraith Group.